shake, shake, fall

i couldn’t resist.

dear mr drug addict,

my bro told me there were some drug users who take drugs at our staircase.

cause they were some things they left there.

and i took pictures!

apparently this is the syringe package.

it was torn apart, but i put it together and took the picture.

haha.

but i think the longer part they took along with them.

then there was this:

okay, this is not clear, but it’s so damn difficult to focus on something that small.

anyway it’s supposed to be a small pill package.

one only.

hm. i guess it can’t be some drug users then,

it should be one drug user

(the pictures are black and white cause i adjusted the colours.)

it’s really funny, cause my neighbour living on the 12th floor added a note on their shoe rack:

dear mr thief,

please stop stealing our shoes or we will make a police report!

thank you – 12th floor resident

how cute but.. i think it’ll invite more jokes than serve as a warning for the thief.

haha, my family were discussing the drug thing and my dad said we should put a note too.

it’ll read:

dear mr drug addict,

please stop taking drugs at our staircase or we will make a police report!

drugs are bad for you!

call XXX-XXX-XXX to quit.

thank you – 13th floor resident

haha!

i’m guessing the note by the 12th floor resident must have arised from another note.

there was a note at the ground floor lift lobby a few weeks back, a long one.

can’t really remember what it said,

but it was something like:

dear residents,

i am very sad to inform you that there is a thief in our surroundings! a few days back, my motorbike cover was stolen and i found it on another motorbike.

etc etc.

it is depressing to know that we have such people among our midst. hopefully these actions will stop before it affect our children.

etc etc.

thank you – a resident

something along those lines.

i really can’t remember.

haha, never mind.

such a peaceful way of settling stuff.

make love, not war?

wow, advancement in society.

friedrich nietzsche.

i like his ideas.

shall talk about him one day. (:

evil girl you

js!

how can you say that i’m running out of blogging ideas?!

lol.

my blog was not supposed to be entertaining in the first place.

-_-”

but whatever.

since you said it, i think i’m running out of blogging ideas. it’s not like i’ll come up with ideas to blog about in the first place, but it’s more like stuff that i think about once in a while. and recently i really haven’t been thinking about enough things to sufficiently blog about them. it’s as if it has become so difficult to blog about stuff.

restrictions.

there is actually no limit to our minds,

how far we want to let our imaginations fly.

but remembering the times when i just started this blog,

i had so much to say, so much to talk about.

in fact, i even like.. changed the dates of some entries so it looked as if i blogged on different days instead of blogging so many entries in one day.

how amusing.

but now, it’s not that i’m bored or anything,

but it just seems as if i have nothing to say anymore.

not just on my blog, but even in real life.

restrictions can only limit our physical actions.

so blogging is also a physical action i guess.

but it’s not so much of a physical action as running, swimming or walking.

it’s more like an expression of your thoughts and ideas.

so logically, there should not be restrictions to your thoughts and ideas right?

but as days and months go by,

i have become increasingly restricted to what i can put on my blog.

… an imaginary barrier.

or not.

maybe i’m not restricted in the mind,

but restricted in what i can blog about.

but why should i care about what people say?

or care about how people might feel after i write something?

because,

simply because,

a blog was not, is not, and will not be a private place belonging to you and you only.

…

i was talking to wy at kino yesterday afternoon, just the two of us. we were reflecting on our rgs life, this 4 years that is soon to pass.

to tell the truth, i came to rgs to start on a clean slate, to destroy the image that i was an anti-social girl who was not confident about herself and her personality. i tried to break out of the personality that i hated.

i think i can safely say that i reached my goal, but not quite. i would say that i’m fairly social in recent years (or months), and rgs gave me the confidence that i now have. the confidence to speak up in class, to address a large group of people, but not the confidence to ignore what people think about me.

i say not quite, because i am only social when i want to be, and that is not always. i make acquaintances easily, but i am not the person who would bother much about maintaining relationships. hahaha! i said hi to a girl whom i met 3 times in this week but had nothing to do with her, and no agenda. her name is h__x__ and she happens to be lim jiin’s friend. (hope she doesn’t mind me saying her name.)

quite an irony, i can only say that the only 2 really good friends i made during my 4 years in rgs is wy and js.

and quite an irony, i can openly admit that i only made 2 really good friends in these 4 years. it’s an irony how i don’t care whether i’m seen as sociable or not. being sociable is a really tiring thing. it’s like because it’s not really me to maintain relationships well, i have to consciously maintain them and it’s really difficult. i would love to have as many friends as possible, but due to my personality, i can only choose a few to be close to. people who interest me.

hm, thinking that through, it kind of made me realise that maybe, afterall, rgs did give me the confidence to ignore what people think of me, and perceive me to be. haha.

wy and i were discussing, how weird it was that we used to go out in a large group of friends, laughing and crapping away and after 4 years, we were back to only the 2 of us. wy and i may be as close as sisters, but we actually kind of drifted apart during the secondary three year because of shuffling of classes. what was really funny was the fact that wy was wondering “if i wasn’t with you, and i wasn’t with my sec 3 classmates, where was i?!” haha. so weird!

so maybe after all this years, i finally realised that it’s not important to be seen as something you want to be, but just your personality in itself. who ever said that being sociable was a great thing?! i wonder who put that idea into my head. must be myself. in fact, now i know that being sociable is not a great thing, but in fact an irritating one, after knowing a few of them. *a-hem*

haha, this entry is so politically correct, but yet, not.

js is the friend that i can crap with and talk about serious stuff. wow. haha! and she should seriously stop insulting me before i take this compliment back. haha!

mistakes.

so many mistakes i made after i became a teenager.

so many.

so many things i did that i regret.

but i guess i can’t turn back time.

i can only start a clean slate everyday,

and make the best out of each day.

do you sometimes feel like you’re living for someone else?

i think for me, it’s time to stop, but not totally.

it’s all about balance.

zen.

common and rare

a follow up to the coma case.

sometimes, i wonder how much common sense is common.

for example, it’s 3 am in the morning, and you’re driving down a lonely road with nobody in sight.

(no worries, it’s not a ghost story.)

you arrive at a traffic light.

(ah!!!)

the traffic light is red.

(blood?)

anyway, there are no pedestrians.

(or whatsoever. oh, stop it.)

would you stop?

or would you “beat” the red light?

i asked my dad that and he told me he’ll stop.

beating the red light is just against the law.

and you never know if someone will walk out.

…

so even when you know that there’s no one who’s going to cross the road at that time,

a driver will still stop for no one?

a traffic light is to stop traffic for pedestrians to cross.

it’s not used to test whether a motorist will follow rules.

why then,

is it natural for pedestrians to jay walk?

we know that we shouldn’t cross the road when the lights are red.

but we cross the lonely roads whenever we see there are no cars in sight.

damn it,

we even cross the roads when there are cars in sight,

just not near enough to hit us.

so why can’t motorists drive their cars and ignore the red lights when there’s no one in sight?

…

in fact,

if you think about the story carefully,

the pedestrian who caused the traffic light to turn red,

(presumably because he/she pressed the button)

had probably jay walked in the first place,

that is why no one was there to cross the road.

sigh.

common sense.

speak, hear, learn

welcome . !

i think the original posting nick is better.

but if you like it, then it’s your choice

haha.

and i said “long philosophical and smart entries”…

oh wells.

anyway, i was just thinking today, in my english module “are you speaking english?”, ms yeo taught us about acrolect, mesolect and besolect. this are 3 levels of speaking a language, and it is represented by a pyramid. Besolect, being the base level, represents the language spoken by mostly people who have primary education. Mesolect, which is the middle level, represents the language spoken mostly by people with secondary education. Acrolect, the peak level, represents the language spoken by people with tertiary education. obviously, this is just a general gauge, and you can’t generalise that everyone who has tertiary education will speak acrolect.

so weird.. it’s a general gauge, but you shouldn’t generalise. haha! so cute.

but that’s not the point. the point is, a person who is proficient at the language should be able to switch easily between the different levels to cater to different audiences. so isn’t this like really bad? like you have accomodate everyone just because you’re better? won’t you be like kind of like pitying the other person who’s not going to be able to understand your acrolect? would it be painful for your listener? would it be painful for yourself? would you even be able to switch fluently? if the person’s the one you love and talk to everyday, will you lose your acrolect?

how weird.

what i’m thinking is kind of like.. i believe everyone needs an environment to learn a language proficiently. without the environment, one will not be able to improve. being in the culture and environment is the best way to learn the language. if everyone who spoke proficiently would accomodate someone else, how can there be improvement? how can the person even reach that proficient state to accomodate in the first place?

through reading? but reading is just different from being able to speak acrolect. through listening to acrolects speak to acrolects? but the besolect person won’t be able to understand it anyway.

or maybe i’m wrong. maybe it’s kind of like a progression thing, like… you speak besolect in primary school and you slowly advance, so you’ll have complete usuage of the 3 levels. but how can one be a person who speaks acrolect and speak besolect when one knows it’s wrong?

…

i’m no acrolect. i think it represents the same stifled feeling i sometimes get, just that it’s the flip side. like now there’s a lot of slower people around another person instead of lots of smart people around me.

people who are stupid, are the ones who are the most afraid to admit that they are stupid.

crash and burn, what happened to my confidence?

.

.

The arrival of “.”
^_^

hello, world

hello reminds me of something joanna told me.

she said that in some country (mexico or something),

the people actually stopped saying “hello”,

and changed to saying “heaven-o”.

so i was like, “earth-o”.

haha.

crap.

“jell-o”!

talking about joanna reminds me that i just realised that joanna is a really nice girl.

really cute too.

haha.

but js is cutest!

but i’m kind of sad that i only talked to her a bit more recently,

cause we’re in the same photonics class.

… it’s already term 4.

makes one realise how people can miss things so easily.

maybe we all pass through life,

missing out on stuff that we’ll never be able to experience again.

stuff that will bring some joy to your life.

stuff that will bring some sadness to your life.

stuff that will bring some memories to your life.

but then again,

you wouldn’t know what you’ve missed if you’ve never had it.

once again,

i’m getting into one of those down periods.

i feel sad for myself.

i seem to always get those feelings of intimidation when i go to classes with tons of smart people.

it’s like how french was,

and how advanced maths is.

i just feel stifled.

like i don’t dare to ask any questions cause i’m afraid i’ll sound stupid.

then the teacher just moves along since almost everyone understands.

it just.. impedes my understanding.

sigh, that’s why i really don’t like being in classes with many geps.

just scared i guess.

but i don’t want to be that way.

why does it matter if people think you’re stupid?

… cause i don’t want to feel stupid.

…

thanks,

i needed to know that.

message

pop, i do love you so.

i’m not angry anymore.

i still respect you as ever.

sigh…

bonds are stronger than to crumble in one attack.

change and changes

i’ve shifted, and if you deserve to know, you will.

arise and float

sometimes, i feel like i’m contradicting myself.

the days that i have lofty ideals of life,

the days that i reject all that is expected,

the days that i become a little girl again.

maybe not all that i want to achieve,

i can achieve.

maybe not all that i want to reject,

i can be able to control myself.

i really wonder if i’m how i’m portraying myself.

how come i’ll have all these conflicting emotions all the time?

all these conflicting ideals?

am i just fake?

or am i just confused?

okay,

now i’m confused.

sigh.

i’m hopelessly gone again,

but the feeling is not recent.