i’ll put this here, and another there

“what you do speaks so loudly
that i cannot hear what you say.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

chinese new year celebrations in rj for the first time! (: and the first year of chinese new year celebrations, i got to perform as part of the lion dance troupe. so exciting! haha. i’m really falling in love with lion dance.

lion dance.

such an unappreciated traditional chinese art form.

the intricate movements,

and the effort put in by the dancers to produce those movements,

remain unnoticeable to the audience.

when i watch during practice sessions, the lion dancers have to make so many hand-arm actions, and various other footwork. but once the performance is being presented, and the lion head covering the hands and other parts of the body, all the actions made are scarcely noticed at all!

there’s so much more to lion dance than just what the audience knows.

anyway, i went back to rg.

and i made a major discovery.

which saddened me a lot!

mr chua has left rgs!

my favourite philosophy teacher has left rgs!

gosh.

i’m sad not because he left,

but more because…

the rg juniors will never get to be inspired by mr chua on the subject of philosophy!

okay, actually i’m still sad that he left.

oh wells.

i was talking to js today, like randomly about her og and my og and stuff. we touched a little on the subject of friendship. okay, maybe not a little, but i can’t really track our chain of thoughts from just now. but the main gist of the conversation was that it’s exceptionally hard to decide your behaviour towards someone else when the someone else is considered more than an acquaintance, but less than a friend.

especially like with your og. sometimes, people just don’t click. since the og members are all randomly put together, it shouldn’t be difficult to imagine that not everyone would feel strongly for the rest of the og members. i mean, what’s the chance that the entire og can click together?

if that happens, i’ll be totally amazed.

anyway, because one spent at least 4 days together, roughing it out and stuff, the rest of your og can’t really be considered as mere acquaintances. mostly because acquaintances are people you know the names to and nothing else.

but then, some of them can’t really be considered as friends, since one doesn’t really talk to them. besides when needed. [this is different for js, since it'll be more like... all of them can't really be considered as friends. haha! but she doesn't care anyway.]

i think this “in-between” stage makes it all the more awkward. when you see them, you don’t know whether to wave or smile, because you would think that you shouldn’t, cause you aren’t even talking to them. it’s okay to smile and wave at acquaintances, cause thát’s just being friendly.

but why would you be friendly to someone who’s not your acquaintance [simply because it's more than that] but you don’t talk to?

i think it’s cause if someone is not your acquaintance, it would mean that you know more than their name. if you don’t treat them as a friend after you know more about them, it probably means that you’re just not interested in them.

oh wells. so it shouldn’t be so awkward not waving or smiling to them right? since anyway, you don’t really want them as a friend.

gosh, i think i’m taking things so technically. is there really a hierarchy to friendships and relationships? if we spend enough time on every relationship, does it naturally progress to the peak level?

no it doesn’t. at least i don’t think it does. but if it’s possible at low levels, doesn’t it mean that would be possible as well?

no one has really defined what a friend or an acquaintance is anyway. it’s all up to our ideas and beliefs.

and that alone, would be different for everyone.

so wave and smile, world.

cause it would make the world a much happier place.

and waving and smiling,

doesn’t mean that i love you or hate you in any way.

i think.

it’s your own world,

so live by your own rules.

my mind drifted away from the topic a few times, so i think i sound incoherent. this just reminds me of a poem i read in sec 2 in that literature text. it was a poem about… losing your ideas. it’s like the idea’s there for a while, and then it’s gone in a flash. no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to rememer what you were thinking about.

and one comforts herself,

“that was not the most brilliant idea i could ever have.”

splash, and it’s gone

that’s fast.

i dídn’t even get to blog on my birthday.

it did pass by pretty quickly.

seriously speaking,

this year, my birthday really doesn’t seem to feel any different from other days. i did enjoy my celebration with my friends on thursday, and my family celebration was the nicest. haha. it’s such a tradition, but still so fun every year.

i mean like, we do pretty much the same thing every year, get a cake, show off your presents, take some photos and eat the cake.

while taking the photos, the same complaint always comes up, “pop! you take pictures very slow!”

haha, but i love it all the same every year.

it’s so hard for my family to eat dinner together nowadays actually, and i was really happy that all of us were at the dinner table today.

17… just another number, but it seems like i’ve mellowed.

reading my blog entry on my 16th birthday, it seemed like a super huge thing. i think i received like.. reaching 30 presents? i must have really broadcasted the fact that my birthday is on the 23rd.

but this year, i received many birthday wishes, via phone calls, sms-es or msn. some of them were just like, obvious, but i did receive many that i didn’t expect! the ones i didn’t expect made me happy but the ones i expected made me happy too! (:

actually, i realised that these birthday wishes were much more important than presents. i never really did agree with the phrase “it’s the thought that counts”, but now i do. i would be quite happy just to receive a sms saying “happy birthday, ziLin!” from my friends, just to know that i do mean something in their lives.

but then again, maybe it’s just cause i was glad they remembered even though i didn’t try to broadcast. hmm.

i’m getting new spectacles! and they’re going to be paid by my sis and her boyfriend =D as a birthday gift (:

actually, birthdays… why would it be important for your friends to remember it? … is it the same feeling as if your friend remembered your ic number? or something that is unique to you? like a birthmark? it seems pretty much the same to me.

do we really want to get presents for our friends on their birthdays? or are we just obliged to do that? it seems as if after so many years of tradition, giving gifts to friends during their birthdays… is like some kind of battle plan.

oh no, i think i’m becoming too practical.

mellowed…

or just losing faith in people?

flick of wrist and blow hard

our reunion dinner at crystal jade.

wow. my early birthday celebration.

touched.

really.

as i’ve said, the most special memories are best held in my mind, because no words or phrases can completely describe how beautiful the dinner was to me.

we may not be the best of friends,

we may not understand everything,

we may not share the same interests,

but know that,

we’ll always be there for each other.

thanks.

small things grow big

… today was quite a frightening day.

it started out really good, and was very very very good.

but then, something happened when i was waiting for a bus on my way home.

sometimes, i really wonder whether i have the “i-deserve-to-be-bullied” look or the “i-am-gullible” look. i mean like, i think strangers really think i can easily be deceived or taken advantage of or something. i don’t understand. i know i have the “blur” look, which was inherited from my dad, but i think strangers thinking that they can bluff me is just plain stupid. but the “blur” look does sometimes come in handy when i’m in sticky situations, as carefully trained by my dad.

haha.

so anyway, it feels a little weird talking about it.

sigh.

there was this old man at the bus stop, just standing around. he’s not exactly very old, prob mid-forties. i was being experimental today, so i decided to look at the bus directory and figure out another way of getting home. (okay, this is kind of irrelevant, but i just wanted to say that i was being experimental with buses.)

after thinking for a long time, i chose a bus that i was going to take, and stood near the front of the bus stop. while thinking, i was kind of shuffling around the bus stop, and i clearly noticed the old man was like staring at me. (gosh. so scary.)

[the dialouge below were all in chinese.]

anyway, about 10 seconds later, he came up from the back of me and said

“xiao mei mei, what’s the time now?”

(original pick up line right!)

so i gave him the time, and expected him to like, stand further away. not only did he not do that, he moved to the side of me and started to talk about random topics like

“xiao mei mei, so you’re in secondary school now?”

“wah, so you’re very smart?”

“can earn a lot of money next time…”

i think i was not very obliging, so he moved on…

“xiao mei mei, chinese new year is next week right?”

“oh, monday and tuesday have holiday?”

“wah, you’re smarter than me!”

i gave more than monosyllable answers,

so i think he felt encouraged and moved on…

“xiao mei mei, so you taking bus home?”

“where do you live at?”

“oh, taking which bus?”

he seems to be moving onto uncomfortable ground, and i think he noticed.

so he said,

“xiao mei mei, i give you my number la, you can call me when you’re bored.”

and i said,

“huh, don’t need, don’t need, i have a lot of homework to do.”

… he seemed quite taken aback by this statement, so he said,

“then you give me your number la, i’m afraid i cannot meet you again.”

“i can chat with you once in a while what.”

my gosh! what kind of stranger is this?! i was seriously freaked out.

i was like thinking, “please bus, please bus, please come now. please don’t let this weird old man take the same bus as me, gosh, can i escape from this situation?!”

what came out was

“uh, really don’t need. i don’t have a handphone.”

thank god he didn’t try to ask further for my home phone or something.

but refusing to give up, he went,

“xiao mei mei, so chinese new year, you going where to play?”

“i’m going out with my parents. not going anywhere to play. ya.”

he just nodded in reply.

i tried to inch my way further as time and random topics rolled by.

why was my bus taking so long?

“… xiao mei mei ….”

“ah! sorry uncle, my bus is here, bye bye!”

i think i ran up the bus or something.

sigh. the longest bus wait of my life.

and at the same time, thinking about relativity.

and yeah, this is really not the first time.

ah.

weird.

i feel quite traumatized actually.

aquarium in or out

i’m proud of myself today!

cause i travelled in the central-eastern area of singapore all by myself, and by bus! even though i haven’t really travelled around these areas before. i mean, okay. i’ve been to some of these places before, but travelling from one place to another i haven’t. so yeah. i can’t even remember how many different buses i took today!

yay. and i was feeling so happy changing and transfering all this buses cause i got the bus concession! which means that i take as many buses as i want (:

oh wells. my last stop today was tanglin mall mcDonald’s. i missed it so much! gosh, the happiness i felt when i walked in was like, really the high point of my day. in fact, the high point of many days. seeing suhaimi, ain, aisyah, wye fu, meng siang, balan, aru etc made me so excited and balan at the counter!

i was so glad for balan. yay. i ordered a mcwings meal from him and gave him a gems card! balan is very cute (: hehe.

sigh. i want to go back to tgm so much.

i miss all of you like crazy.

i miss working like crazy.

sigh.

okay, i know this is random, but i just wanted to remember the fact that alwyn said this.

agentquantum. says:
homostasis means erm… unconscious gays?

ah okay. not entirely his fault, cause i was the one who misspelled and wrote “homostasis” rather than “homEostasis”.

but “unconscious gays” is just weird.

anyway,

Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle today.

uh. okay.

according to wikipedia.com,

“In quantum physics, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle states that one cannot assign with full precision values for certain pairs of observable variables, including the position and momentum, of a single particle at the same time even in theory. It furthermore precisely quantifies the imprecision by providing a lower bound (greater than zero) for the product of the standard deviations of the measurements. ”

it’s supposed to show that

“concept of standard deviation pervades science in the measurement of everything.”

does it mean that in simple terms, we can never be sure of anything?

oh wells.

but i think we knew that way before.

i guess the principle is supposed to make it more scientific?

hah!

i think it’s a good way to end debates.

you can just go,

“heinsenberg’s uncertainty principle!”

then that’s the end of the discussion.

end of discussion.

anyway, i was just thinking about this afternoon, when i was walking towards a bus stop (once again!), a girl from cedar decided to ask me to donate for flag day! haha. being the nice me, i agreed. actually i make it a point to donate whenever anyone asks, unless i have no coins or something. in fact, sometimes i even donate to those who don’t ask cause i want to tell them that you have to ask people to donate.

so yeah, i realised that people are actually… it seems as if one would be able to do most things as long as the other person serves some kind of benefit to you.

basically, cause i was lugging around the thick biology textbook and i had to dig for my wallet, she offered to help me carry the thick biology textbook. after carrying it, i think she regretted cause she was like, “wow, it’s really heavy.” haha!

okay, that’s not the point. but yeah, i think i’m thinking too much. but seriously, if i was at a bus stop (wahahaha!) and trying to dig some coins out to take the bus, would she (or everyone else for that matter) actually come over and help me carry my textbook? hello, obviously not.

… point made.

and now i realise it’s bad to blog while talking to many other people. i’m sure my blog feels abandoned. sigh.

and now i realise that i don’t have the mood to blog further. so at least i finished the part on the flag day thing!

(:

your money,

and i’ll help you?

shoes are too big

is it right for parents to enforce on their kids dreams that they were unable to fulfill?

is it right for them to now expect their children to do what they couldn’t accomplish?

is it really right to make children do what their parents want them to only because they should listen to their parents?

i never was really introduced to such an idea till about primary 5. it was the first time i was exposed to the idea that there are actually many parents who would make their children do what they always wanted to do, but never allowed to.

i think that’s quite sad, cause it’s as if their children are just supposed to be younger versions of themselves, given goals and targets already decided a decade ago.

okay. this is really random.

but i was just thinking about 3 year old kids with their pianos.

uh.

right.

i’m too tired to explain or elaborate further actually.

discriminate

i should be going to sleep soon. it’s bad to have such little sleep. i think i’m getting eye bags! and that is something that i usually don’t get, even if i sleep at 3 – 4 am? assuming i still wake up at 5.45 am.

i think my school is positively scary. during free time between lectures today, no matter where i went in the school, everyone was mugging. like, studying their notes really hard or doing their maths tutorials. everywhere. i mean it. like canteen, library, random tables around the school, amphitheatre.

the place was swamped with studying people. i really don’t get it. the entire rgs shifted into rjc, and i have never ever seen such a phenomenon in rg. what happened?! my brother insists that everyone is just excited about school and can’t wait to get started on their homework. but i seriously doubt so.

this is making me feel really guity.

anyway, i had my first ki lecture today. the first ki lecture in rjc! wow! okay right. actually, it was just an introduction, but the topics that we’re going to cover over the 2 years are going to be really interesting! yay. but i’m quite afraid of the independent study though. i bet wy knows why. oh wells.

actually, i was reminded of something that happened when i was really young. i think i was still in kindergarten. at one point of time, i was fascinated with the fact that people do not look at their chairs when they sit down.

they will just sit down. knowing the existence of the chair behind them seems to be sufficient. i mean, afterall, you can adjust after sitting down right? what’s important is that you get the seat first, and you give your legs a rest.

so anyway, being the curious kid that i am, i really spent my days wondering like what would happen if i suddenly move the chair out when they are just ready to sit down. will they like, somehow, sense the movement of the chair, or maybe make a self-conscious movement – looking back, just to make sure the chair is still there?

uh, one night during dinner, my mum stood up to refill the bowl of soup. opportunity had struck! … so using my extended leg, i pushed the chair away.

…

my mum sat down without thinking and fell right on the floor.

sheesh.

my dad was really angry!

thinking about it now, i really didn’t understand the severity of what i had done then. i could have caused my mum to break some bones or be paralysed! sigh. but i don’t know why the idea struck me then.

is it really pure plain curiosity causing little kids to do stuff like this? or are they just beginning to explore their dark side. hm.

i wanted to blog something about obnoxious old people. some. not all. but i think i’m too tired. trying to figure out what was wrong with me when i was younger probably killed some brain cells.

but i don’t think i was as weird as js.

oh wells.

i miss tgm, i really do.

but i know myself,

my personality is one that believes if feelings are made clear once,

there’s no need for repeats.

cause it should and will stay the same.

or until i next say i changed my mind.

so yeah,

stop

pushing

me.

i’m tired.

both ways.

draining water

lessons finally started today.

i love having lessons!

haha.

though we didn’t learn anything,

but i kind of enjoy the feeling of going for lectures finally.

so yeah,

lessons didn’t actually start,

so don’t even think i’m some mugger type just cause i said i love lessons.

cause i’m not.

though js seems to think so.

oh wells.

but then again,

js’ definition of studying is like “reading”.

which makes everyone who does more than just read infront of the tv,

… muggers.

anyway,

i was thinking today.

and i realised that i did have fun during orientation.

i was just restricting myself from thinking that i did have fun during orientation.

…

which is really too weird.

and i told the og that i didn’t enjoy my orientation fàn-tastically well.

oh wells,

okay maybe that’s kind of true,

but i did enjoy it a lot!

but i love lessons too.

maybe all wy’s talk about her obsession with her og caused me to realise this.

sigh.

never mind,

what done cannot be undone.

i feel so tired.

facing so much rejection from my parents just cause i want to work at mcd.

there seems to be no way to convince them to let me work there.

working at mcd really makes me very happy.

i need to work at mcd.

but i need to quit going against my parents too.

how can i choose?

am i being too much?

but i really don’t think asking my parents to let me work once a month,

is a too much request.

working once a month is already very bad for me.

sigh.

i should have gone for the award ceremony.

maybe all this wouldn’t have happened.

i was originally scheduled to say a few words about mib.

ah!

i really wanted to.

i didn’t know that i was supposed to.

so i didn’t turn up.

bad move.

sigh,

regrets,

regrets.

if only everything was only a dream.

i really can’t believe what i did.

i think i’m becoming incoherent.

anyway,

today during physics lecture,

i found someone with the exact same combination as me.

so exciting!

i thought no one would even choose to do such a weird combination.

his name is alwyn (:

nice guy.

oh, and he’s ryan’s friend!

ryan is the guy i sat beside during our first civics lesson.

he lives in my area too!

haha.

so embarrassing during bio lecture today.

i was like,

“oh!

and he’s your friend!”

pointing to ryan and alwyn.

like,

as if they didn’t know that.

haha!

oh wells.

anyway, i was just reminded about what happened at macs last saturday. i finally got to meet a customer who said “Grilled Chicken Folder”! haha. at least i didn’t laugh in his face, cause i heard about some customers doing that before. oh wells. but it was still quite amusing.

i embarrassed myself infront of two caucasian customers too! they were taking away like “Big Mac” and “Double Cheeseburger”, both set meals.

so i packed their burgers into the bag, brought it to the fries station and left it beside the lemon lime juice cause i had to pack the fries. so yeah, after packing the fries, i held the two medium fries and walked over back to the counter.

and then, i looked momentarily lost. i was like “where the heck is my big mac and double cheeseburger!” i was looking really, really lost. how come the burgers are gone? then i thought some other counter took it even though i’ve packed already. then i was like “eh? eh? eh?” to the customers. haha!

the older caucasian just folded his arms and said, “you brought it over there.” ! so embarrassing! i was like “oh! okay!” haha.. i’m really wondering what happened to my memory. it’s like a gone case memory or something.

sigh.

mcd.

sigh.

parents.

sigh.

am i being too much?

reading the words

ah. it’s the new year. felt like blogging yesterday, but decided against it cause i had to sleep early for the new school year today!

actually frankly speaking, i was not exactly looking forward to orientation in rjc, and i was hardly excited too. this must be the influence of js. but then again, i just felt like… it’s going to be difficult to start all the interaction again, sussing people out, especially in a new environment. not that it’s a bad thing, cause i like to get out of my comfort zone, but just to think of the stuff starting all over again, it kind of makes me tired.

i don’t exactly think i want to blog about orientation. it’s fun and stuff, but trying to record everything down, what’s the point?

humans have selective memories, because one should only remember stuff that are important to oneself. just hold on to those memories that you know you want to hold on to, cause you don’t even have to think about it. you just will.

recording a day to day log of what you’ve done and so on, would just destroy the meaning of memories i think. if everything is important enough to be recorded, then none of one’s memories would be special.

talking about js, i just saw her new layout. right, okay. it’s so totally not her. i mean, what the heck?! purple?! dream like?! fantasy in terms of white horses and beautiful ladies?!

maybe the house spirit got to her. haha! cause she’s in hadley house, which is purple. oh wells. but if she actually agrees to this statement, i think i would actually believe the sky has collapsed. for js, i would think that her style of fantasy would be dark, with like lord of the rings style fantasy? definitely not white knight on white horse or whatever the phrase is. prince charming? right, yes.

she said i still believe in the “boy meets girl boy likes girl type of thing”. the first time i read that phrase, i did think that it was some kind of an insult. but after that, actually what’s the big deal? what’s the big problem in believing in clichés?

yes, it’s typical, but so what? exactly cause it’s typical that’s why i believe in it. haha. but seriously, this thing is something that i want to believe, but i know i can’t. i don’t think i’m that naive anymore. people do grow up. it may be something that i believe would be the nicest thing on earth, but the nicest thing might not necessarily exist on earth i guess.

i mean, it would be an ultimate fantasy to experience something like that, but trying too hard will just destroy the perfect dream.

anyway, yesterday i worked at mcd till 4 plus, then after that had a long chat with mcd workers! haha. it was a really good laugh. i think we talked about so much stuff that we even forgot the time.

actually, we were talking about the funny and weird customers that we meet at the counter, and the stuff they wanted to order.

hmm. people like to call the “Grilled Chicken Foldover” the “Grilled Chicken Flipover” or “Grilled Chicken Folder” and various other stuff that they decided to call this healthy food.

oh yeah, and there are those kids and old people who say that they want a “McFluffy” instead of a “McFlurry”. i mean, what the heck is “McFluffy”?! “McFlurry” with bubbles foaming on top? hahaha. but it’s such a cute name though. like… “uncle, i want a McFluffy please!”

and one thing i don’t get, why do everyone call every sauce in mcd “mayo”? i think it’s pretty obvious that we don’t use mayonaise in “filet-o-fish” right? it’s tar tar sauce! i think i knew that in pri 3 or something?

oh wells.

i think the winner must be suhaimi’s customer. an indian lady went up to him and said, “i want a McZinger!” hahaha! this rocks. first, zinger does not exist in mcd, it’s a kfc thing. adding a “Mc” to it will not and does not make it a mcd product. i wonder if she goes to kfc and asks for a “McZinger” as well. it becomes kind of like a universal phrase? you can use it both in mcd and kfc! haha!

actually i encountered several strange customers myself, just that i really cannot remember what they said that almost made me laugh out loud. oh, but there are always some customers who ask for “potato” instead of “fries” actually. maybe it doesn’t sound weird to them, but asking for “potato” is just really weird in my perspective.

i think i should stop teasing mcd customers. i shall remember to update when i come across any other strange customers! haha.

oh, i just remembered that i should credit ain for teaching me to cook my first ever product, the “filet-o-fish”! haha. and apple pies too actually. but i think ain is a good trainer though. she teaches like the equipment name and exact procedures and stuff. like how the crowns should be slided out and not picked up.

even suhaimi told me not to do the sliding thing! haha! he doesn’t follow procedure. =P but it’s just that it’s time-consuming. so i guess, efficiency is number 1. but not really, cause we still insist on wearing different gloves when taking frozen stuff. oh wells.

i feel tired.

anyway, yesterday i saw a car in my flat’s car park! it’s really nice. it’s a replica of the herbie’s car i think. even though it didn’t look exactly alike. so i decided to take a picture of the car!

nice right? especially with the light. wow. i like!

by the way, i just wanted to ask, how many people actually recognise the picture below? as in, where did it come from?

it’s blurred cause i took it from far. but it just makes me think… that sometimes we really don’t remember things that we see everyday? like, how did we deem that this is going to be unimportant to our lives? did we choose to forget? or was it just the brain…?

oh sheesh.

i really need to do some research.