a creation by whimsical xinyang

KI lessons have been less than ideal. I hope that time would be delegated to discussion students indviduals before the issues are discussed as a class.

I could still remember a funny thing that happened during one KI class. The class was discussing whether you can know something but not believe it. Alwyn, Zilin and I (ZAI) agreed that it is not possible while the class was discussing, and we thought that the whole class thought so too. Then Wangrui overheard our discussion and tried to convince us otherwise. In the end, the whole class awaited while we were trying to persuade wangrui to take our stand. After we managed to convince her,

KI teacher:”ok, class, so we have resolved the part on knowledge and belief”
ZAI: *nods*
KI teacher:”that you can know something but not believe it”
ZAI: “WHAT??!!”
wangrui: “see i told you that’s what the class thinks.”

Then ZAI spent the rest of the lesson trying to convince the class that it is not possible. Then we finally agreed, albeit reluctantly, that it depends on what you mean by “believe”. ahh well… its not all black and white I guess. Especially since we are using an imperfect language.
- xinyang

haha. i just think this entry is hilarious. especially the zai part. haha! i agree with xinyang, i really don’t think the structure of our ki lessons now is the best the school can do for us. i think the main reason why many of us chose ki is cause we’re discussion driven. the first ki lesson i had, i could already feel the difference.

when we used to have philosophy lessons in rg, i would say about 80% of the class remained quiet every philo lesson. only the same few people would speak up. but when i went for the first ki lesson of the year, i commented that it was almost like the “gathering of all philo-lesson speakers”! everyone had an opinion, everyone wanted to be heard.

but now, it seems as if we aren’t even given enough time to discuss among ourselves. furthermore, it is not very conducive when we are not given time to discuss among ourselves, cause the discussion is with the class, and the opinions would be even more divided. this would cause a large amount of time wasted convincing a few individuals, when a general consensus can be made in the same amount of time within ourselves. then thrashing out can be done, with strength in numbers!

anyway, in case you all thought i was as clueless as the other two in zai, i wasn’t. i knew that the rest of the class were thinking differently from us! haha. and i was trying to convince wangrui of the same thing. but she remained unconvinced until i called for backup.

oh wells.

and i think the zai was still right.

oh and also, i realised that only xinyang can use ZAI!

i should come up with something of my own.

how’s…

A I X?

it’s armani exchange!

branded! haha.

johari window

http://kevan.org/johari?view=ziLin

it’s a give or take

when one “shoots the moon” at hearts, which is to collect all the hearts, as well as “black maria” – the queen of spades, one is faced with 2 options.

one can either

1. add 26 points to the 3 other players.

or

2. subtract 26 points from oneself’s score.

what will one choose?

technically, it doesn’t make any difference. cause the distance oneself is from the other players is still x + 26. (letting x be the original score.) why are we given the choice then?

would one choose to add to our own happiness, or add to 3 other people’s misery? or does it make no difference at all?

i think it does make a difference. as in, not to the game. but to your mood at least. i guess one would feel happier when it looks like you have much less points. but then again, i think your opponents would feel much more unhappy when they get 26 points added to them all.

oh wells.

maybe it’s just cause i don’t really know how to play hearts. haha!

i realised that the more time i spend on thinking about a certain issue, the more i would choose not to post it up on the blog. cause the time i spend typing it out on the blog is kind of like my reasoning process, and since i’ve already spent time reasoning it out in real life, then there’s kind of no purpose in posting it up on my blog.

but i’m afraid i’ll forget, as usual.

maybe it’s just that there’s so many factors to address.

or maybe it’s just this particular issue.

oh wells.

uses being tested

i am very absent-minded.

so anyway,

i have some random thoughts that i have to write down,

before they all eventually fly away.

i had a hard time holding them down!

one.

i think js and i are notorious for having totally lousy filing systems.

last friday,

js told me,

after too much influence with wy,

“with my compartmentalised file,

i can find any worksheet within ten seconds!”

i was like,

“okay,

i can do that too,

you know!”

and js went,

“scratch that.”

at that point of time,

i thought she was going to shorten the time to like 2 seconds or something.

but alas,

she didn’t.

she decided to say,

“with my compartmentalised file,

i can find any worksheet within ten seconds,

six months from now.”

right js,

i’m sure i’ll be able to do that too (:

yeah.

right.

two.

i was just thinking the other day while eating,

about how food products usually use

“best before: (please refer to base of can.)”

why would they use “best”?

does it mean,

one day after the date stated,

it’ll be “better before”?

maybe,

like one year later,

it’ll be “good before”?

which means still can keep for some time right!

after one year then need to throw away.

technically,

it hasn’t expired.

yes.

three.

okay,

i really feel super random.

but there’s no other way to remind me about these thoughts.

the very notion of it

today when i was taking the bus out, i came across this family. no, i didn’t like talk to them or anything, it was just that they were sitting on the same bus as i was, but they were at the front, and i, at the back.

this family, quite typical, a dad, a mum, a son and a daughter. the son looks probably about 5 years old or so, while the daughter was younger, about 3 i think. when they came up the bus, the daughter sat on one of the 2 seaters, and the mum sat beside her. the son sat on the 2 seater in front of the daughter, and the dad sat beside him.

but all of the sudden, the mum decided to exchange places with the dad. to a spectator like me, there seemed to be no reason as to why the mum decided to do that.

so now, the mum was sitting beside the 5 year old boy, and the dad was beside the daughter. a problem occurred. the son evidently didn’t like sitting with his mum, and started to make loud noises, and asking why the dad was sitting with his sister instead. not long after, the son couldn’t take it any longer, and moved out of the 2 seater, and sat beside the 2 seater that was directly adjacent to the dad and his sister.

throughout the entire journey, he made comments like, “why daddy don’t want to sit with me? not fair!” and hit his dad with his hand. his favourite phrase seemed to be “not fair!”.

now, the mum didn’t seem to like it much that

1. the son was making a whole lot of noise.
2. the son hated his mum.

she decided to go “you, shut up!”

woah. actually this part is irrelevant. but never mind.

but at five years old, how did this son develop the idea of “fairness”? the world that we live in is obviously not fair, but how did he manage to come up with the idea that everyone should be equal, given equal opportunities or equal material possessions etc.

is this actually taught at kindergartens? thinking back now, i don’t really recall when i actually developed the idea of fairness myself. is it cause we’re living in singapore, a democratic society? we know that the world is never fair, but how come we still aspire for fairness?

if such an idea is not actually taught in kindergartens or by the parents (i would have to assume this cause the parents evidently don’t practice fairness), should i be able to conclude that he actually developed it himself? like, from his experience with this world.

but if so, the development of the idea of fairness must then be from the observation or experience of people getting equal treatment and so on. that would be why the 5 year old boy is demanding for fairness in this case.

it is now established that the boy thinks fairness is the way to go in this world, but why would he be demanding for fairness with regards to his dad’s love towards his sister and himself, when he himself, is already practicing unfairness? his love towards his dad and his mum is obviously not equal. if he is able to see this unfairness in himself, how can he still be able to develop such an idea of “fairness”?

the easy explanation would then be to say that the little boy is egocentric. as long as the treatment he receives is fair, he doesn’t care whether the treatment others receive is fair or not. but the little boy would know himself best, so why would he not learn from his unfairness? but instead, develop an idea of “fairness”?

maybe if we had never learnt about the idea of “fair”, we might be able to live in peace. but then again, we would only then be accepting our lot, and that won’t bring much meaning or purpose in our lives.

sometimes, i think it’s really unfair to the disciplinarian in the family. one of the parents definitely has to be the bad person, to be able to keep some order in the house and make sure that the children grow up to be responsible citizens, but yet, be at the receiving end of the children’s hatred and distaste.

who chooses?

how would the disciplinarian feel? being loathed by his/her own children, yet still staying convicted to disciplining his/her children. when will the children understand? they would eventually, but it would be too late i think.

the relationship would already be too strained, and even if the child does understand, there won’t be much time left to change it to the relationship the child has with the other parent.

what would be the best way to raise the child then?

sacrifice love for discipline?

or sacrifice discipline for love?

how would it be fair to both parents?

would it be a choice that the parents can consciously make then?

will it be too late?

explorers under construction

happy valentine’s day everyone, the celebration of friendship (:

today i was playing “truth or dare” with alwyn and zhengrong, and it has to be the funniest “truth or dare” i ever played! hahaha. the thing was that zhengrong has never ever ever played “truth or dare” in his entire life!

me: eh, zhengrong, truth or dare?

zhengrong: … (looks around, staring into the air.)

me: zhengrong!!! truth or dare, choose one!

zhengrong: huh..?! what? i don’t understand…

me: … you mean you’ve never played truth or dare before?!

zhengrong: ya. why?

… okay. so yeah, we tried our best to explain the game to zhengrong.

he seemed to get it.

so it was alwyn’s turn and alwyn chose truth.

i couldn’t really think of anything good, so i asked zhengrong for help! and zhengrong gave me the most amazing answer. it’s like, classic answer.

me: zhengrong, think of a question to ask alwyn~!

zhengrong: huh… of course i have questions to ask him, but not very good questions…

me: never mind! try!

zhengrong: … what hobbies do you have, alwyn?

i almost choked!

… this kind of question don’t need truth or dare to ask!!!

then the next time, my turn came, and zhengrong came up with something better.

alwyn: zhengrong, the questions have to be scandalous kind… not hobbies!

zhengrong: ok. uh…

zhengrong: … so ziLin, what tests have you ever failed?

zhengrong is really comical. i think he’s really cute! like small boy. (:

and of course alwyn is gay, so nothing much to say about him.

just joking! =P

today is valentine’s day, i was just doing a bit of reflecting about myself. i was asked, “is it that important to be so competitive?” and i was thinking, even though i’m sometimes quite detached from this world, (keyword: sometimes, unlike js.) i find that there’s a need for me to be accepted, appreciated by the world at large.

i’m not saying that everyone would do that, i know of some people who don’t. but i just think really, why is it so important to me? or people like me?

thinking about it, believing what people say about me would be a choice that i consciously make. if i put this into words, it would have be something like “i believe myself to believe that what the person is saying about me is true.”

so why can’t i believe myself to be whatever i think i am?

then i will feel like i’m important. and there would be no need to receive appreciation or acceptance from others. we can be just whoever we think we want to be, and we don’t require acceptance!

hmm. i guess we have to be logically consistent with what other people think. for example, being appreciated by people, “you’re really smart!”. there won’t be much point if i think i’m really smart, but others don’t right? but if so, then don’t we need to have like a large sample size and stuff? in order to find out whether what we think about ourselves is actually consistent with what others think about us.

because when i think of myself and my personality, i don’t really think i’m looking for like a consensus of some kind about the way i am, but more like i need to feel important. i need to feel that i have some kind of impact on the situation i’m in, and i’m playing a part in this place i belong to.

would this be tied to the purpose of our existence?

like we don’t really know why we’re here, so am i just trying to grab at whatever i can get, just to make sure that everything i’m doing now won’t really be worthless, and i should actually spend time doing it right.

ah. i think i’m getting a bit far fetched. i’m really generalising a lot, and the examples don’t really go as well. but i’m just typing as i’m thinking. hmm.

but i still do need to be competitive, cause it’s the only way i can push myself.

oh yeah, thanks suoreg.

i can’t believe it.

“who we are, where we come from and where are we going?”

flitting through the flowers

it’s strange how i’ve never realised much things about myself.

i found a better word to describe why i’m afraid of smart people,

feeling stifled in a class of geniuses,

seemingly unable to focus.

the word is inadequate.

i feel inadequate.

i’ve always known the fact that i’m competitive,

and that i tend to hate the fact that many people perform better than me.

hate the fact,

not hate the people.

but i never really did realise how much it affected me.

i feel afraid of making people think that i’m stupid,

even though i say i’m stupid all the time.

jokingly, of course.

but increasingly,

i’m starting to be convinced that i’m stupid.

shucks.

i need a ego check.

now.

but then again,

i seemed to have had this feeling before.

on the first few weeks at the start of secondary 3.

is it just that i’m in a unfamiliar social setting?

but now i just feel damn afraid.

afraid of the people in rj.

afraid of the competition.

afraid of my stupidity.

in just this 2 days,

i’ve already heard like 2 j1s talking about SATs?

i heard wang rui is preparing for her SATs,

and i overheard someone asking a j1 (the 4.0 gpa one.)

“so how were your SATs?”

“good!”

gosh,

i mean,

i feel like i’m drowning in a pot of hot boiling liquid,

experiencing some kind of slow and painful death.

i feel so self-conscious of myself,

about my ability to think,

that i’m starting to doubt myself.

it’s not even like me to do that.

i’ve always been one confident person,

doing crazy things once in a while.

i’ve becoming so self-conscious about my thoughts and ideas,

that i’m not even productive anymore.

my friends in rg,

they know that i’m always the one with the ideas.

i’m always the one talking in group discussions!

now because i’m afraid,

i’m starting to take the backseat.

i hate that.

so much.

i think i’m once again at one of my low points.

but i’m not even displaying it.

then again,

i’ve never been known to be emotionally open.

by the way,

i just want to really thank alwyn (:

for always being there to entertain my crazy silly dumb thoughts and ideas,

yet knowing you would easily be able to find someone more intellectual,

to discuss big questions about life.

and at the same time,

knowing that we don’t expect anything more than friendship,

and self-development (:

hehe.

thank you.