it is 4 sided, not 3 sided!

wahahaha. spent the morning and afternoon helping my mum “bao zhong zi”! (: yeah, that’s making dumplings for dumpling festival! not that kind of not nice to eat china dumplings with that weird yellow skin and weird tasting ingredients, but the really delicious meat dumplings! okay, those shaped like a pyramid i guess.

i feel really accomplished, cause i finally succeeded in learning how to make a nice dumpling after 2 years! but then again, training sessions only come like, once in a year. so not really a big deal. but then, i still feel very accomplished! (:

seriously, making dumplings is not as easy as people think. even though it is quite an ancient tradition, there is still a lot to be learnt. it is like, the method of making them is perfected in such a way that it is not easy to pick up but once you can do it, your dumplings will turn out beautiful.

for example, the folding of the pandan leaves. oh my gosh, i think that alone takes some kind of serious and long training. either that, or have tons of practice. it is like you have to place the leaves in the correct orientation, direction and position. then just trying to make it into like a “groove” would take quite a long time. furthermore, the folding of the leaves can determine how big or small your dumpling will be, the size of the leaves does not actually matter much! oh yeah, the folding of the leaves will also determine how hard a time you would have in the later stage of wrapping the entire dumpling together.

ah. and now talking about wrapping the entire dumpling together. the fingers have to know where to go, and what to press on so that the shape would turn out nicely. if one does not have much experience, the leaves will be like going everywhere except where it is supposed to go. basically, one will just end up with a messy dumpling which is not a pyramid. haha! i think i had to make at least 10 dumplings before i actually figured out how to do it. not that i can do it well now, but acceptable i think.

here comes the hard part. the tying of the dumpling to the DAMN string. my gosh! after all that hard work folding the leaves and the rice and the ingredients into a nicely shaped pyramid, one has to tie it to the DAMN string. it is absolute torture, i say. i only managed to figure this part out this year, and i bet i will forget how to do it next year, and the many years after. but i really spent the year wondering why i could not get it the last time. there is actually a method to tie the dumpling to the string! and there is only one method, and everything else is wrong! haha. but it is really exciting everytime you get it right. and i was not even talking about tying knots yet. hahaha! okay, for this, i think i had to make about 15 dumplings before figuring it out, with about 10 of them my mum doing it for me to see.

hahaha. but i really enjoyed myself a lot! i think making dumplings is really fun. i can’t cook, but so what? i can make dumplings! i bet you can’t!

wahahahhaha.

it was just across this grey slab

feeling much better today already. ran through many things before i fell asleep yesterday, cause many things happened. one of the “events” was something that i will always remember, but something that i do not want to be reminded of.

it was just something that happened at home.

but then, i guess part of the many things that happened, some of them happened in school. yesterday was the last day of school. didn’t manage to go out with wy and js cause js was like at buona vista having some interview thing and wy… uh. went home. sigh! so she told me that she will take like 2 hours to come back to school or something, so i decided to go off.

anyway, school ended earlier than usual yesterday, so i felt quite.. off-balance i should say, so it was better to go home and rest.

on a side note, the time spent at and after the muis lecture was really quite exciting, cause the grand immam was really quite progressive in terms of his views, and it was really enlightening to listen to such a great leader of a religion view religion in a non-conventional way.

the principles, the lifestyle of a religion, to me, are much more important than anything else. i think believers should really stop spending so much time trying to convince others to join them in their religion, but in fact, be more open to other religions. it is just another way of living their lives.

yeah. anyway. oh, the reception at ritz carlton was great too! we got to meet this man who’s studying in nus for his phd, and he majored in philosophy! managed to discuss quite a few things with him (: haha. that really made me happy for a small part of my day.

but going back to school was really a torture for me. things have really changed. but it was all my own doing. my actions – my consequences. i shall not dwell on this further, i have done too much thinking over these issues, and i think it’s time to let go.

i walked slowly out of school, towards the ri gate.

got to know a few things about someone i never expected would act in such a way.

but then again, what do i know?

it’s not like it’s the first time.

climbing the bridge was hell cause of my knee.

while walking down the bridge, one step at a time.

i turned my head to the other side of the road.

a guy.

and a girl.

they walked at the same pace as i did.

just in a different direction.

i smiled to myself.

should i be glad that i played matchmaker?

haha.

it was not even intentional.

i was alone,

and i smiled to myself again.

down the bridge, we were now walking in the same direction.

now i wonder to myself,

is it no surprise that they will never notice me?

conversations are so interesting.

images faintly appeared in my mind, not so long ago after all.

but they faded out as quickly as they appeared.

the same path that we once took.

the same actions that we once made.

now, just separated by a road.

i smiled once again.

oh wells. anyway, i was thinking about a scenario these few days. it is a really interesting question in my opinion, but i did not manage to ask many people. in fact, i only managed to ask kenneth. but kenneth’s answers are always so considered, yet not explanatory, so it was quite useless i think. yeah.

imagine this situation -

1.

a father who drives his child to school everyday, and the child’s school is on the way to his workplace. yeah, of course, the father has to wake up earlier to send the child to school.

2.

a father who only drives his child to school when the child is running late, or has something important on in school. however, the father does not drive to work, he prefers to take public transport. so the father has to drive back home, and then take public transport to his work place.

which father is more sacrificial? or makes a greater effort?

hm. i have an answer in mind, but i would not be able to explain why, and i think i am biased. so i shall refrain from giving an answer. oh wells.

oh yeah!

today i watched a really beautiful film on channel 56. it was a korean movie entitled “the bow”. it was really tragic, yet so beautiful. the plot raised so many questions that the audience would never be able to answer, and it tosses emotions from one end to another. the audience might be convinced to stand on one side at first, but as the film progresses, the audience seem to lose conviction and might start to get swayed. i loved it!

the best thing was, the leads never said a word throughout the entire film. every emotion and every question was brought out by the actors through their actions and expressions. and yet, i knew what was going on at every minute of the film. my gosh. it has to be one of the most brilliant films on earth. oh and it was really philosophical as well (: with regards to human nature, one of my favourites!

yeah (: catch it if you all can, and be very disturbed.

ah okay, i just read a review of it and was reminded of a point that i forgot to make. there is no set of obvious heroes and villians, and the audience has to make his/her own stand with regards to that. and this stand can be easily swayed. yes.

found a poster!

(:

loyalty is worthless.

not every dog is going to wait at the master’s grave forever.

lying flat and face-down

tired i think. ki common test is over, i guess it’s a good thing.

tired i think. i wonder when i closed my heart.

tired i think. “dangerous is a man who has rationalised all his emotions”?

tired i think. i know i have changed.

tired i think. one unhappy ending that i am unable to face up to.

tired i think. is it a torture for you to face each new day?

tired i think. perhaps.

ah. off context, but i realised that “tired i think” is quite pun-nish. oh, and i’m reminded of myself thinking about how we learn that italicizing is a certain feeling, and bolding is another. were we ever taught that? hm.

this is a treat for you

friends.

they do not say

- hey, let me get an account book to record every single amount that you owe me.

- now you owe me $35.00. oh no, actually it’s $35.50.

- you owe me $2.00 from about, 6 mondays ago. i think it was week 4.

if one trusts a friend enough to lend him/her big sums of money, i think one should have the basic trust to believe that a friend will return him/her the money.

(sorry alwyn, you were always an exception. i will when i have the money.)

guilt trips are always useful. but not to the point that your friend feels like he/she owes the world to you. it is not like he/she is going to abscond with your money. of course, there must be frankness among friends. but one doesn’t have to be blunt. saying things nicely is always helpful.

but it is too late.

the day i returned you your money,

was the day that the link between us broke.

not because i wasn’t willing to return your money,

but because you didn’t have the trust in me.

operation 1 – rescue

shallow,

so shallow.
this must be one of the rare times in my life,

when i laugh at my own actions and decisions.

not laugh at them because they were funny,

but laugh at them because they were ridiculous.

all the actions and decisions i made,

were perhaps meant to secure myself,

to assure myself that i will not be alone when i need somebody.

but was it really necessary?

that’s why i say,

shallow.

do i really need this?

can i not do for myself what others might be able to do for me?

especially since nothing around one can ever be completely reliable.

i know now,

all this were not even worth my effort.

my actions and decisions,

they did not manage to fulfill the roles that i wanted them to play.

years and months of being open,

but yet i had to seek solace in my lion dance drums.

finding myself back alone walking towards the room,

turning towards something inanimate to forget.

the assurance was something that never did materialise.

where were they when i needed them the most?

i realised,

having myself is maybe just enough.

and maybe a girl friend or two.

i cannot even begin to understand what i was thinking all along.

perhaps it was cause after so many years,

i was alone again.

haha.

tired,

so tired.

shallow,

so shallow.

your message is heard

okay,

i get the point.

it was never meant to be published.

strong.

zi lin,

you are strong.

believe it.

you don’t understand,

and you’re not even close.

the feeling of shattering

i walked in the rain today.

i walked in the rain at 10.30 pm.

i walked alone.

the feeling of the rain was just right,

small raindrops,

yet heavy rain.

i took small, slow steps.

small enough,

and slow enough,

so that i can think.

in the rain,

i thought a lot.

i evaluated my life in rjc.

i evaluated the current phase i am in now.

i evaluated my actions,

the ones i understood,

and those that i don’t.

i reminisced about the past.

i thought a lot about mcd,

and how much i miss working there.

it is just so different from studying.

even though work was tough,

things were really much simpler.

i got along well with everyone in mcd.

in fact,

very well.

but now,

things seem so difficult,

and so complicated.

like i no longer understand anything.

i am very confused.

everything i have ever perceived to be true,

now seems to be just falling apart.

like they no longer belong to me.

in the rain,

i was waiting.

maybe it was the last wait i am ever going to take.

the rain,

it made me decide.

that all these efforts,

maybe they are futile.

just let go,

since it was never meant to be in the first place.

but what i decided to let go,

were things that never belonged to me.

i decided to let go of what i wanted so much.

but in the rain,

i also decided,

there are some things that are so important to me,

that i will never let go of them.

no matter how little i can spend my efforts on them.

because i know,

that little amount of effort,

would mean the world to myself,

and mean great amounts to them.

actually i do not know.

there are times when the efforts pay off,

and some times when they do not.

it’s tiring.

i just want to drift away,

by myself,

back to where i have always been.

do you like the rain?

i do.

cause no one can see your tears.

my arms like part

on a random note, i slept in the library today.

really really nice environment to sleep in.

and my arms are dying from playing the drums during lion dance.

but i still love it so much! (:

remove the picture from the television

ah. after reading mrs leong’s comments on my essay, i feel humbled. i think recently, i’ve become increasingly closed, always insisting on my ideas even though there are many other ways of doing things. in the ki essay, i felt that i wanted to have a certain conclusion, and the only way to reach that conclusion was to twist the question, and in the process, change the focus of the question.

to me, that was the only way which i can reach the answer i wanted. i knew it was dangerous, but i chose to do it, only because i wanted to prove my point. and at that moment in time, it seemed as if the only way i could prove my point was to follow that path that i had in my mind.

the essay didn’t seem to be just an assignment anymore, it was a journey to just reach the conclusion i wanted. all roads lead to rome, why does it matter anyway?

when i got the essay back, i was struck hard. at first, i kept insisting that that was the only way that i could reach the conclusion that i wanted, the conclusion that would make me happy. i was stubborn, and remained insistent on the idea that it was the only way i could have written it.

but after analysing it at home and reading mrs leong’s comments, there were many other ways i could have reached my conclusion without changing the focus of the question. perhaps, it was a more difficult way, but it was a method that would make both myself, and my marker happy (:

so yeah, i am once again reminded to be more open to alternative perceptions, even though at that point of time there was only going to be one – mine. but i should learn to generate even more alternatives.

oh wells. i wonder how often homework and assignments actually become a passionate argument for what you believe in. hardly i think. i’m glad i chose to take ki. it did widen my horizons, and made me argue passionately for what i believe in.

the joy of convincing.

one tight slap, i don’t understand

haha, just came back from wp political rally at serangoon stadium, or should i say, “srgn stadium” (like kenneth.) it was for class learning journey!

i gave up dance night to watch this political rally with my class! haha. i do not regret it though, cause personally, i think the political rally was one of the most enriching trips i have ever gone on together with like a class that i was in. i really did learn a lot and got to explore more political topics with my classmates! (: haha.

never really was a politics person, hence my decision not to sign up for raffles public policy program, but i guess this general elections were quite significant and attention-grabbing to me cause aljunied grc, my grc, was one of the most hotly contested grcs. yeah. i guess as you grow older, you get interested in such stuff? haha! but i think it was mostly cause of the sideline stuff, like the… election department case. the stuff they write in the newspapers are actually quite interesting!

ah. enough about political rally, i shall not write too much about it. it might be dangerous! haha. besides the fact that i’m quite disappointed with my dad’s choice over which party to vote for. bleh.

oh wells. it has been quite a busy week, and i’m kind of like sick. i had mc technically for thursday. hm. but i’ve been wanting to blog about ki debate ever since tuesday! cause i really wanted to show my point. which the opposition pretended not to get, even though when i asked mrs leong again, she said she understood me clearly, and the other teachers too. some of my ki-mates from other classes also came up to me after the debate to either continue the discussion, or to assure me that they did understand the question i raised from the floor!

haha.

i shall attempt to prove my point, cause xinyang is not very convinced by me i guess. oh wells.

actually, it is not like it is a stand that i hold personally, cause i usually like to argue from both sides of the fence. and it just so happened that the motion was…

“this house believes that reason is the foundation to all important knowledge.”

which is so easy to say “no!” then to say “yes.”

so i shall have to support the underdog and say “yes!”

haha.

hm. according to the opposition, foundation connotes a sequential order, and the word “foundation” would have to refer to the item that arose first. it is just like how you build the foundation of a building, and you have to first lay the foundations. so it is pretty obvious how the opposition argued from there, talking about how sense data always arises first, before one can actually use reason to process this data.

from this, one can easily infer that experience should be the foundation of knowledge, and not reason.

but in my opinion, i think that yes, this is actually a chicken-and-egg question. yes, i know that the debaters did not touch on the crux of the issue, which is all important knowledge, but what i’m interested in now is which should actually be the foundation of knowledge.

as said earlier, this might very well be a chicken-and-egg issue, which came first, we do not really know. this is because before you can choose out the correct sense experiences, you would have to reason or rationalise to be able to make the choice, and this would mean reasoning would have to come first, and should be considered the foundation, according to the opposition’s definition of foundation.

but before reasoning can allow you to choose the sense data, one would have to have knowledge of sense experiences, and this would naturally mean that experience should be considered the foundation of knowledge.

and it goes on and on, and becomes a chicken-and-egg issue.

the only way to stop this infinite regress, is to decide where the construction of knowledge occurs, and the “start” or the “foundation” should be where the construction of knowledge first occurs.

i believe that reason should be the foundation, because without reasoning, we would be flooded with sense experiences that we have no way of classifying. all these sense experiences will only be noise to us and are irrelevant to the specific construction of knowledge.

the point at which we reason and rationalise, and pick out the important parts of the sense experiences we view as important, would then constitute our start of the construction of knowledge.

this can be explained by a simple analogy of building a building. all around the world, we can find sticks, stones and cement all over the world. i do no think that all these sticks, stones and cement can really be considered as a consituent to the building of the building. but the moment we make the selection and decide that we need a certain amount and type of materials, this is the point at which the construction of the building is started.

this analogy can be applied to knowledge as well, where we are constructing knowlege and the point at which this construction occurs is when we rationalise and reason.

therefore, reason should be the foundation of all knowledge.

ah! i’m like falling asleep while typing, this is quite bad. my flow may have been interrupted by the few 40 winks i got. i hope everything’s fine.