the photocopier

google – 1960s

the washing machine doesn’t work!

just a short one before i forget what i was thinking.

haha some time today i was reading some ethics thing (i didn’t get far) then i was reminded of wy’s IS on whether evolution is really progress. i was like, ya, it really is a very big question. when we study biology or read about evolution, the first thing you assume is that we are all progressing forward cause the features that help us survive better are being retained… hm.

then today i was thinking… maybe the tribal “backward” cultures are actually advanced versions of us! that will be like so cool. like they have already progressed so far but we are still left behind. it just so happens that we are still the majority – so we see ourselves as really advanced! hahah.

right anyway. i was thinking since evolution involves natural selection which involves selection pressure, which means traits that allow people to survive better are being passed down to their offspring, and then “hello! there are still tribal cultures that are still surviving!” doesn’t that mean that from long long long time ago they had such advanced features that allowed them to survive till now? whereas we had to keep changing or whatever so that we can still survive up till now!

wahahahaha. tribal people rock.

right, i think what i am saying totally hasn’t gone through the ki critical thinking phase so yeah well it was just a thought. wy will be able to provide more information – so look for her!

yay.

the lunch – it was good

well.

i decided not to apply for the community service award afterall.

when i looked at the application form,

i thought -

why do i really want this?

then i felt like i did not really have a good reason for applying for the award.

it’s like,

i just wanted to continue doing what i love,

is that community service?

i guess when i decided to go ahead with ms lim’s nomination for stars of shine,

there was some kind of new experience to it?

like i wanted to share what i knew about autism,

and how the kids are really special.

but when i looked at the rj community service award,

it looked as if it was exactly set to look great on your cv.

…

contrived i think.

but yes,

gupta recognises all the efforts that one have put into his/her community services,

and how important championing these causes are important to him/her.

well,

i think it’s not really for me then.

haha not like i would really get it or something!

sigh.

anyway!

i believe there’s a more deserving candidate!

i think they should have some “second-ing” thing for the award.

daniel! (not like you would see this but never mind.)

i will vote for you!!!

haha (:

i think you deserve it.

recycling? i’ll consider.

 

the pain in the eyes; flutter

well, wave of sadness i think. it was really a mixture of emotions today.

the one that made the most impact would probably be the fact that today was zr’s last day in school, and possibly the last day i would see him in about four years or so. when he was leaving after bio lecture and js and i were going towards the raffles rooms, it was like sudden realisation – “oh my gosh, this is really going to be last time i am going to see zr in a very long time!” i don’t know why it kind of hit me, i guess it’s probably cause i have never experienced like a friend leaving for a long time in my life, where there might really be the possibility that i may never see him again, considering how people tend to forget each other as time goes by and people meet new people. sigh.

it brings to thought, what about the primary six friends that everyone used to have? some of them, you probably never saw again. then how come at the time of parting, be it primary six graduation night, or taking results day, i never did have this “i am really never going to see them again” feeling. perhaps, it’s cause at primary six, everyone still had ideas about “forever friends” and we will still see each other for a long time ahead. then come secondary school, reality sets in and the meetings get less frequent… reaching none.

i think the other reason why i was feeling kind of sad was that it was in the middle of the school term i think. at the end of a school year, everyone would be prepared for the separation, but at this point of time, it’s just kind of strange so yeah, i think it’s not weird that i am feeling a little sad. haha after so long, really got used to zr in class everyday! the smart guy. haha (: anyway i got zr a cake as a parting gift cause i didn’t want to give him a parting gift, get it? cause parting gifts are so sad, so i got the cake for him, meant to be a celebration, wishing him all the best for this years ahead!

okay right, anyway i think if i wouldn’t be able to see wy and js for a long long long time like a few years or something i would probably be bawling my eyes out. haha! okay not really, maybe it would be much sadder than this. oh wells.

the other thing i was not exactly comfortable about… sigh. the expression in the person’s eyes. the hurry in me to explain what was actually happening. i don’t know what it was. hurt? maybe i’m just mistaken. but yeah, sorry, i think.

i’m not hiding, i really am not.

i should have got on the boat

sometimes i wonder, why do humans always want things that are beyond their reach?

i am not referring to academics or career prospects, i think those are things that can never be beyond anyone’s reach – we just got to put in the appropriate amount of effort. it doesn’t matter whether another person achieves the things that we want with less amount of effort, it’s not supposed to matter anyway. everyone has things that they are good at, and well, if we really want something that much, then we just have to be prepared to put in all our effort, another person’s effort can never be a yardstick for our own effort.

but then – there are other things in life that are really beyond my reach. yet i choose to continue dreaming about them. it is just really an impossible task, and no matter how much i want it, it can never happen. it’s like there’s just too many things working against it, and once again i feel stupid.

and the strange thing is that people are always mistaken.

is it because i’m not worthy?

i think so.

and i wonder where i get these strange ideas anyway.

sometimes, i wish i never made the choices i made when i was younger.
i could have been a clean slate.
i could still have the innocence that i once had.
i could still believe in the perfect.

and i could still be a zero.

stay calm and don’t be angry – we know

hm well i guess i do look better with long hair. haha! but oh wells what’s done cannot be undone, and the best thing is, i don’t regret cutting my hair! haha. it’s just a new look – must take risks, or else life will be so boring (: haha.

i attended college day with my parents last saturday to get some jc1 prize. wy and js got it too! (: yayness we rock. hahahahha.

the envelope that had the certificate and the book voucher! i think the school quite generous, 40 bucks times book voucher. hehe i shall get a good book to read after a levels! (: anyway the blackish stuff on my skirt is just water. i have like a incredibly bad habit ever since i was young – wiping my hands on pants or skirt or whatever i’m wearing after washing my hands. haha i still do it now, obviously!

my dad and my mum who went with me! (: haha i think my mum damn chio please. when she was young, she was like WOOHOO, really very pretty. like some movie star. oh wells i look like my dad. hahahah! but not too bad cause my dad has the young look, so i also look younger than my age! (contrary to popular belief, it is not cause of my height. -.-)

—

anyway thanks to those who voted me for the stars of shine thing, i did win the award! today i went for the prize presentation at suntec city, and last thursday there was a media lunch that i had to go for together with the other 5 awardees (3 different categories). the media lunch was really funny and weird. we had to take so many photos and like smile until my face was totally spasming. i wonder how people like build their facial muscles. there were a number of interviews as well and i had to speak in chinese for some. i kind of realised that my chinese has really gone down the drain. shall have to practice more! each awardee is so special in his/her own way, and i think their stories are really those that are worth listening to, especially the 2 of them who got the award in the inspiration category!

oh i was interviewed by 95.8 mediacorp radio – recording!

filming,

filming,

filming,

and more filming. lol.

getting the award from mr teo ser luck – possibly the shuai-est mp in singapore! haha.

yep and again mp teo talking to me cause the citation was being read out and it was so long -.-”

mp teo: your stories are all very inspiring!
zilin: uh… hahah, uh ya.
mp teo: uhm so where are you volunteering at!
zilin: oh at pathlight with the autistic kids…
mp teo: oh with denise right?
zilin: yesyes right! ms phua…
- at this point i realised the citation actually ended like 5 seconds ago.. -.-” crap! then i quickly ran off the stage. haha!

standing at my board with my description together with vanessa (: (wy and js! check out our picture there (: (: (: hahaha!) oh and the whole thing was such a coincidence cause the presentation was held together with the service learning award which i took part in together with wy, sru and renhui when we were in sec 4! we were the pioneer batch – it was the first competition ever! and now i’m in the pioneer batch of stars of shine awardees.. haha!

baby holding the award with me! (: hahah she’s so very cute. and she came to support me! hahah. oh i met buddy, junli, sarge, derek, leonard and qinzheng at the suntec convention centre! so cool right. it was all by coincidence, they didn’t come to support me, there were like other conferences going on around the same place.

my mum and baby with me! my dad uhm is taking the photo. haha!

the trophy! it’s actually quite heavy.. no idea why though. but i think it looks quite cool. like star awards like that =P

the six of us! we were attempting to make a shape of a star cause well, stars of shine what. and we did this cause we were getting really embarrassed about just being followed by the video camera and not doing anything. so we decided that we shall be nice to the cameraman and do some poses for him and stuff. haha!

and finally – the stars of shine!

me, shi hui, zheng an, goh chern, vanessa, daphne

cool eh? please read goh chern and daphne’s stories – they have been reported in quite a number of media publications. they are the inspiration award winners and really, their stories are really inspiring. shi hui and zheng an received the emerging leaders award, while vanessa and i received the contribution award (:

yep and hopefully all 6 of us may be able to do something big together!